I have a problem.

It isn’t a large problem. It’s sort of a caffeine problem. I don’t even drink coffee, not really, and that would be preferable, because coffee is cheap and available. Unfortunately I only consume the more foo foo drinks, as they say. Foo foo is shorthand, I believe, for fooking fooking expensive. Three earth dollars doesn’t seem like much for your caffe mocha, your sweet sweet mocha, but when it becomes a necessary habit, a habit that repeats everyday, and multiple times per day, you begin to remember that there are starving orphans who would kill smaller orphans for a sip of a latte. Orphans love lattes. I’ve spent one billion dollars on espresso-based drinks this quarter. That is a verifiable, wikiable fact. I drank more money than John Hennessy raised for, you know, whatever he was raising money for.

In recent times, far removed from campus, I was presented with the significant realization that my parents’ house does not host a Moonbean’s or a Peet’s. There is a nearby Starbucks… and I went twice that week, but there was no immediate source of cardboard-held warm drinks. But, I had Mountain Dew. The hardest of the soft drinks. Besides the sugar and caffeine, I love bright colors. Like a bumblebee, or a certain kind of stoner.

Every morning I would pour a glass of the Dew. I held the glass of uranium-green juice and sipped it with the withdrawn satisfaction of an old man, rattling the ice in his liquor and watching a dying fire, trying to remember when he felt that warmth naturally. So sweet, but that is all.

Anyway, I’m thirsty.

Oh, also, rain screws with me because I can’t sit and drink my Moonbean’s. Damn rain. Too wet for its own good. I don't like its attitude.