Saturday, December 09, 2006

A Brief Word On Bathroom Activities

I’ve observed an interesting behavior in the men’s restroom and I would love to share it with you. It’s the pee and brush. The pee and brush! A guy will start brushing his teeth, only to wander over to the urinal and suspend brushing, holding the brush in his mouth, to pursue other endeavors. Gentlemen, you are noble multi-taskers, but I am not fond of this. It isn’t even an issue of sanitation. I don’t care what people put in their mouth; I’m liberal like that. But each act is deserving of its own full attention, and you are haphazardly combining bathroom activities. I do not know why I care. What’s next, the shit’n’shave? Floss and shampoo? Please. It’s terrible. Are people really that busy?

The noncommittal nature of the urinal surely makes men more prone to this particular combination of activities than women. But I do not doubt the presence of feminine pee’n’brushers. Frankly, there are many activities which hold potential for combinations, but I will leave the frightening permutations to your silent imagination.

Can you believe that the campus literary journals reject me?

And I really enjoy any bathroom mechanisms that function on motion detectors, especially when the sensors are a little faulty. It's not just the post-future George Jetson Flushotron appeal, it's because I get to give them a friendly wave. Hello Mr. Paper Towel Dispenser! I say as I wave hello. Goodbye Monsieur Urinal! It’s like befriending porcelain robots.

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